The Continued Devolution of the Species

First and foremost I have to say that the two people Chris and I watched practice at Indian Wells won the tournament, so I believe we have some magical powers and we should be hired on to travel around with Rafa and Maria to ensure future wins. I’m just saying, it could be something to consider.

Now onto the truth about a tennis tournament and absolutely baffling people. We were watching Djokovic play and because we had purchased our day tickets rather late in the scheme of things we were up pretty high. Now here they do let people come in on the points as it is unlikely to disturb the players below. There still isn’t a bad seat in the house, but the visual and audio disturbance created is not like having dude in a pink neon shirt walking up in your eye line, talking on his cell phone while you are trying to serve the ball.

 

These fine individuals start climbing the stairs, being as loud as humanly possible (I think they might both be hard of hearing) and pretty much sounding like a conversation you would hear between Jerry Seinfeld’s parents on the show as they take their seats. After FOREVER they finally settle down a few seats away from us, great.

Everything is just fine until the woman’s cell phone rings. Now for those who haven’t been to a tennis match, this is like going to the movies. They remind you repeatedly to silence your cell phones and you NEVER answer the phone. Oh, but she did. Now the already hearing impaired woman is talking on the phone, you know what that means. She is yelling as though she is somehow projecting her voice clear to the location of the person on the other end.

Multiple people shoot her dirty looks, I “shush” her no less than three times and she is oblivious to all of it. She is going through her laundry list of what she has done over the past two days including who she has seen. She then starts relaying shot-by-shot the match we are all watching. As if the Tennis Channel announcers are not bad enough, I am getting the expert tennis advice from the elderly Jewish lady who doesn’t know how to shut off her phone as “Djokovic obviously is loosing steam and might very well lose the match.” He didn’t by the way, won the second set 6-2 and pretty much eviscerated his opponent, so I am not sure what game she was watching.

Chris had enough and went over there to kindly remind her that she was not supposed to talk on her phone in the stands and she got off the phone and apologized. He was thanked by everyone around us and one man even applauded. Suddenly her husband gets his 80-year-old self all in a tizzy. He begins loudly complaining about “who is that asshole to tell you what to do. I should have done something about it, I am going to go over there…” you can imagine.

That would have probably been the end of it other than the man continuing to mumble (loudly) under his breath about how rude Chris was; clearly the world revolves around him. When it was certain who was going to win the man next to us decided to leave and get something to drink. This man is 20 years older than Chris, wearing a different color and looking nothing like Chris walks past the couple. Old, senile man has decided in his head that this is the man who told his wife to shut up.

He begins yelling at him and chasing him down the stairs as his wife tries to hold him back. He has no idea that he is yelling at the wrong person nor does his wife. When the man ignores him, he then proceeds to accost his friend about how rude and horrible that man is and he needs to be taught some manners. Again, SERIOUSLY?! The 80-year-old, who looks like he might stroke out at any minute, face as red as a tomato and sweat pouring down, actually looks like he is going to throw down putting his hands in fists. The younger man barely contains a smile, shakes his head and starts walking quickly away. The old man barely makes it back to his seat, I was half expecting him to roll down the stairs ala Looney Toons.

With that the entire section is laughing as the old peacock man finally sits back down and we all realize we have missed the end of the game because the sideshow was just so show stopping. Luckily there were a few more games in the set, but still. I guess I could look at it that it was nice the old man was defending his wife’s honor, but when did it become okay to be a total jackass? Isn’t he supposed to be the one who is annoyed by cell phones and people who don’t have common courtesy? We are devolving faster than expected, it is not good, not good at all.

The Accidental Shoplifter

I never knew it would be more difficult to right a wrong or try to explain to someone that I just wanted to pay for something I had forgotten to pay for. You see, I went to the grocery store and I got a cart even though I only needed a few things. I put the half gallon of milk in the bottom and the other things all ended up in the area where little people belong. When I unloaded onto the conveyor belt I totally didn't see the milk. 

Unloading at the car, my phone rang so I answered it. I loaded everything up in my car, returned the shopping cart all while chatting away without ever thinking about the milk I had just put in the vehicle. It wasn't until I was unloading at home that it struck me. I checked the receipt and low and behold I had just shoplifted a half a gallon of milk. 

Now the little inner rebel is like, "ha, ha, you got away with it!" The good girl side felt guilty. The realistic side said while it doesn't matter in the big picture, but every penny does add up. I didn't rush back to the store to fix it, but the next time I was there I went to the customer service desk. I showed them my receipt and asked to pay for the milk. Here is how the exchange unfolded:

"I don't understand? We didn't give you the milk you paid for?" the woman asks while holding the receipt that clearly doesn't have any milk on it.

"No, I accidentally didn't pay for the milk I have at home."

"So?"

"So, I would like to pay for it."

"I would have to have the milk to scan it."

"Can I get another one from the cooler and you can scan that one?"

"I guess, but I don't understand the problem. If you already have the milk why do you want to pay for it?" My patience is wearing thin. 

"It's not that I WANT to pay for it per say, but I feel like I should pay for it." In the woman's defense, this might have been a bit more abstract than she was capable of.

"Fine, get the milk." I go back to the cooler, bring up a new half gallon of milk for her to ring it up. She scans the milk, I pay and then she proceeds to bag the new milk and hand it to me. "Here you go."

"You want me to put it back in the cooler?"

That's some good lighting for jail!

"No, you already paid for it take it home."

"I was paying for the milk I already have at home, not THIS milk."

"Look lady, I don't know what kind of scam you are running here, but you paid for this milk so you take THIS milk."

I relent. I did the very best I could. I did consider leaving the milk on the counter and running out the door. Can you imagine the look on her face? What would she have shouted? "Security! Stop, the girl paid for something she didn't take!?" At least now I can consider the milk a gift from the store rather than an act of civil disobedience.

Haters Love to Hate

Not that I feel badly for the people of Hollywood or I don't think they deserve some of the ridicule they get, but the only way the Oscars are ever going to relive the glory days is if you take them away. Not from the artists. Not from the celebration, but stop making it the media circus it has become and let everyone celebrate quietly. We don't air the Nobel Prize winners, we don't showcase all the awards journalists give themselves. Just stop televising it and guess what, people might be interested again or at least nice.

Basically the telecast is too big for its britches. They have turned it into a Broadway show with a lame throughline. Cap that with the fact that the whole country, no wait, the whole WORLD has a love/hate relationship with Hollywood and is it any wonder that no host, no show, no anything can get a good review? Sans just chucking the awards at the peope's heads and doing away with speeches altogether, there really isn't a way to make the show shorter.

The Academy Awards need a revamp from start to finish. If a small ceremony is good enough for the techies, why can't that be good enough for the people whose faces are in the limelight 24/7 anyway? Throw them a ball, celebrate the movies and put it on the web. Then everyone can watch the bits they care about and move on. There are only about five awards anyone cares about anyway, anyone outside the biz that is. While I do believe the behind the scenes people deserve their moment in the sun, I also think those developing green energy, saving the lives of children, on peacekeeping missions the world over, discovering medical miracles and many others deserve to be recognized. Let's discard the arrogance of awards season and move on.

Just think about the real marketing opportunities of moving it to the web. People could instantly buy and download all the movies. They could watch the shorts for a small fee. They could see behind the scenes of why the editors matter. More than anything those who went to watch would care and would be nice. It is great that artistic and meaningful movies are shown, but the Academy Awards used to be big when people saw all the movies that were nominated. Back then 25 movies came out a year, if that. Then you have universal interest. It's not possible today. You have box office winners and independent films. Occasionally the two cross over but not often. In those cases everyone knows about them anyway.

Like much of the entertainment business, the model has to be adjusted. Of course, some could argue that no press is bad press and Twitter and Facebook were alive with people who wanted to hate on the show. It did have it's moments. I mean, Kristen Stewart should really lay of the drugs before she presents. Hollywood should be willing to laugh at itself and know that the comment about a "woman never letting anything go" when combined with the fact it is the reason Bin Laden is dead is funny. That Joaquin Phoenix is a freak, what was up with him!? That Channing Tatum should have been the cohost, it might not have worked with Franco, but Tatum can dance! Jennifer Lawrence probably fell on purpose, look at all the press she got when they thought she had a "wardrobe malfunction;" she's not dumb. Daniel Day Lewis was the funniest person of the night, he should have come on earlier. Jack Nicholson should be able to afford a tux that fits. Michelle Obama was stunning, but either be there or don't, the weird White House appearance? Ugh. And if you are going to sing, sing! Don't go out and lip sync badly, Catherine Zeta-Jones, especially when Adele is going to make you look like a punk!

Whatever you may think of the Oscars, it is never going back to the glory days. It is a fun awards show full of people who help to illuminate parts of the world and stories that might otherwise go untold. With all the familiarity in the world now, the show is outdated and will continue to be so until they either scale back all the other shows or shake up the situation and make it a private affair.

Super Bowl, God, Randy Moss and the Best Damn Halftime Show Ever

Much will be written today about the Super Bowl last night. The jokes on Twitter about “oops it was me” and Beyonce’s curling iron regarding the power outage were endless. Though I did like the Mark Hoppus reference, “if you like it then you should have put a fuse in it,” good reference without being on the nose, #nailedit, I agree. Whether you were for or against the “good team” (49ers) you have to be looking at that final drive and the pass interference with skepticism. Has football turned into the WWE? Of course, San Fran should have not been in that place, they should have done more earlier, but in the end the Ravens won and Michael Oher has a Super Bowl ring, not all bad.

Personally I would like to discuss all this talk lately of getting rid of extra points and field goal kickers because they “aren’t real athletes” and the game should be decided by “real football players” (insert random soccer comment here). First Take has hit this topic over the head all week. Okay, last night’s final five minutes had nothing to do with real football players but rather how to best run down the CLOCK. So, what kind of athlete is the clock? What kind of training does this time piece go through? You cannot on one hand say that it is an unfair advantage (3 points) and ignore the way coaches work the clock. It has become a part of the game and it is far more ridiculous than the “non-talent” (their words not mine) of the kicker. At least they do something!

Next God. Ray Lewis, you had two weeks to figure out how to best thank God without being a douche. Saying “when you have God on your side” in any format with any words behind it is inappropriate. Thanking God above all else is fine but acting like the heathens on the other side of the field have no relationship with God is ridiculous and that an all-powerful being as somehow anointed you is pure hubris. On that note, if God did have anything to do with this football game it was to deny the ego of Randy Moss (who dared say he was greater than Jerry Rice) a Super Bowl ring. As long as Randy Moss is on the 49ers it is unlikely they will win the Super Bowl if God has anything to do with it and Jerry Rice is laughing in his head, you know it!

And finally, the halftime show. Not only did Beyonce bring it, but the singing and dancing made the whole thing just plain fun and entertaining. Like the halftime used to be before nip slips and old people took over (Mick Jagger). Everyone is up in arms about Destiny’s Child being forced to sing a Beyonce song, the mean comments all over Facebook talk about what a horrible person she must be. Seriously!? Would either of those girls been invited to sing at the Super Bowl if it wasn’t for her? I don’t even know their names! They got to perform at the Super Bowl, their stock just went up and they looked and sounded great. I don’t think wanting to sing one of her biggest hits, one that got the whole crowd roaring is something to be sad about. Now losing the Super Bowl…that’s something to be sad about. Poor Jim Harbaugh…so close, yet again! 

It's Simple: Keep Your Private Stuff off the Web!

NEWS FLASH:

The Internet is NOT, in any way, PRIVATE!

***No matter what you say

Okay, so your bank has figured out a way to “lock it down” and so have credit cards, but that’s just because they want YOUR money. Facebook wants someone else’s money, so you are useless to them, a number, a demographic.

The latest and greatest is the “All Rights Reserved” people are putting on their photos. While this does cover you in a lawsuit (kinda), do you really have the money to hire a lawyer and sue someone for using your image? It’s a protection for after the fact, after all your friends have linked, commented and shared your most embarrassing moment. What good does that to you? The way to really protect your image is a watermark across the photo so that people can’t use it. Of course, people will still probably share it…if it is funny enough. What’s the next step, protecting pictures of your cat? If you don’t want to risk it showing up somewhere else, don’t put it on the web...period. If you don’t want someone else to post it, don’t get your photo taken doing something stupid. Or, develop a sense of humor…learning to laugh at yourself might be the only way to survive in this data fishbowl we have created and participate in everyday

Every few days there is some huge paragraph that someone has come up with claiming your “rights” on the public forum of Facebook. It either gives some protracted list of things you need to do in order to ensure “others” can’t see your photos or it states your explicit instructions to keep all your information private. Here’s the thing, if you want your information private, don’t use Facebook. If you don’t want to be tagged in photos, then unfriend people who do that to you. All the multi-paragraph statements do is annoy your friends for the space they take up on the newsfeed (love Twitter for the 140 character limit at that moment!). Admit it…you’ve stolen other images before that you found were funny, it’s just for fun: ease up!

Your concerns should not be based around what your friends are doing but rather how your data is being sold to advertisers. Funny how those ads around the side suddenly changed the other day when I ordered a pair of dirt bike riding pants. Guess what? Every time I log in now there are other dirt bike ads all over the page for gear and otherwise. I wasn’t logged into Facebook at the time, but I accept that somehow the crawlers on the web know what I buy and what I use.

Is it “Minority Report,” big brother is watching like creepy, hell yes; but I accept it as a modern age form of finding the right audience. Truth is, I would rather see ads I am interested in then the endless barrage of ED medication to buy online. I love it when they try to sell me things for a piece of anatomy I don’t even possess! Let’s all agree to accept that social networking is a public place, if you wouldn’t want it on the wall at Starbucks, maybe don’t put it on Facebook.

Germ Ridden Children, Why is Logic Considered Evil?

This happened to a friend recently and it just reminded me of all the crazy things we do for kids and the judgment parents and grandparents pass if you choose to be logical rather than emotional about the children in their life. I preface this by saying I love kids and I love playing with kids. The person this happened to does not. I even love babies and I have a special place in my heart for a number of my friend’s progeny around the globe. This person does not. That being said, I will defend his position of logic and I question the unfair shunning he received for simply hating germs, the flu, colds, other diseases and the basic grossness of the situation.

You see this child was running around giving high-fives to everyone in the room. She is an adorable little girl with an infectious laugh and a slightly runny nose. The hand touching was not bothering this friend until the moment right before the small person gave him a high-five. She stopped, picked her nose and then reached out. Suddenly, he removed his hand and said, “I’m all good.” Collective gasps around the room. Seriously!? If I blew my nose and tried to hand you the tissue, would you take it?

Every parent I know is worn out, never gets enough sleep and is susceptible to every type of bug imaginable because they have a little Petri dish at home that just keeps growing new germs. Now it is nearly impossible not to catch what your kid has, but there are simple things you can do to try to avoid it. Besides, if you catch said cold, flu, illness you will be even more tired and sleep deprived and it is not good for anyone. If you can’t avoid it, why would you want the rest of the world to suffer?

Snot is gross. Throw up is gross. Boogers are gross. Diapers are gross. These are facts, not opinions. When they come out of small little humans they are slightly less gross but still gross. Why am I Satan for not wanting to touch any of the above mentioned things? Our mind responds to these things as “gross” because intellectually we know they carry bacteria and disease. I have no problem with a mom who stuffs dirty tissues in her pockets because there is no place else to put them and I applaud her for not littering. I would advise stock in Purell, but that is not always possible.

Unfortunately it is your responsibility, you wanted/had kids so that’s a lifelong commitment of putting up with all the crap that comes with the joy of raising a little person. I prefer the “borrow” plan but most people want their own. I understand I am in the minority. Now it is my responsibility to put all my sharp, pointy, breakable objects out of the way when I have your kid over. I don’t want to be sick if I can avoid it, so don’t give me your dirty tissue kid and think I am going to be happy about it and don’t judge me for not wanting to touch it. I, in turn, will not be upset if the child breaks something in my house because it was my fault for leaving it out.

The kids don’t know not to touch gross things, but you do. They learn by example. I don’t want to be sick, I don’t touch other people’s dirty kids. That does NOT make me a bad person. No one judges me for sleeping on the couch when my husband has the flu and subsequently washing everything before I even consider sleeping in the bed again. I love him, but I can love him just as much from the other room and he loves me more (I am certain of it) when I am not grouchy and sick. It’s really a win-win.

                       ***supposedly there is a filter on this, but I think it is pretty nasty.

Now, obviously, little kids can’t take care of themselves so parents have to make sacrifices. I get it. I have taken care of children when they were sick, you suck it up and do what you must. My sister had walking pneumonia one time when I was “babysitting” her and we stayed in bed all curled up watching movies for days on end. I didn’t drink out of her cup, I didn’t share food with her and I washed my hands until they were raw. Guess what, I didn’t get sick. She needed the comfort and on in that instance luck was a tad bit on my side. But when I have a choice I am going to avoid contact with germs and if it was anyone other than a kid I was directly responsible for, I would not have been in that bed.

My friend, Carrie, is probably cracking up right about now as she was the former germaphobe who has two children now and has to be more lenient. (Of course Carrie wouldn’t judge me for not handling a sick kid, because if she had a choice she wouldn’t either.) I was the former “nothing can get me sick” person. Well, I am a learning system who has decided the few days of feeling like ass aren’t worth pretending I don’t know better. I wear shoes when it is cold outside, I wash my hands, I take zinc and vitamin C all winter and I avoid children when they are sick. All it took was a few too many vacations partially ruined by illness and I decided to grow up.

Don’t judge me for believing in the overwhelming evidence supporting germ theory and taking the necessary precautions. And I won’t judge you for all the slightly icky things you have to do in the name of love for your child, such as sucking on pacifiers that have hit the ground, carrying around dirty diapers, wiping noses, etc. And please know if your child has boogers on their hand, I’m not going to touch that hand until I have doused it with soap or Purell, get over it and keep your loud sighs to yourself!

Leap Day Resolutions

I am not the kind of person who can handle New Year's Resolutions. There are many reasons I avoid them. One, failure. Typically I am traveling around that time of year so any attempt at making some sort of statement of what I am going to do with my life becomes an instant failure as I will never get it done while I am on VACATION! Two, everyone does them and I don't want to be cliche. Have you ever gone to the gym New Year's week or the entire month of January. There are people there you have never seen before and won't see again after February 1st. Three, I think you can choose to change your habits any old day you want. You can start a "clean slate" every morning if you like, so why glob it all up on just one particular day that one particular calendar says is "new."

Of course, all of this got me thinking. With all the changes in my life there are a few things I would like to make a pact to do differently, not least of which is to start keeping up with my blog again. Here I was staring at this day that only happens once every four years. Now there's a day that is special, truly unique and a great time to lay on the line a few of the things I would like to do differently this year. What better way than to start with my long abandoned blog. (In my defense, Carrie Currie pointed out to me that I had a pretty good excuse as to falling behind on things given that since July I have not been in my "home" for more than 10 days in a stretch.) But enough! Enough with the procrastination and excuse making. It is time to seize the day and stick to a plan. I don't have kids, so I don't have an excuse.

Resolutions:
1. Read a new book every week. This comes from the simple fact that I write better when I am reading. In addition, it actually inspires me to get other things done and now that I have my handy dandy iPad I really have no excuse not to. I did start this resolution early with the Hunger Games series and then a horrible little book that somehow drew me in at the end. I still can't decide whether I liked it or not, but you can read it for yourself if you want to suffer too. "Bumped" is the title.

2. Stick with my blog. This means at least a once a week post about something. There is enough that happens, I must have something to say, right!?

3. Finish my projects. Now this is a long list and I think I need to tackle it monthly. One project a month until they are done. Many of you are going to laugh, but my March project is going to be to finish the wedding album I have started, separated and worked on a million times yet still have not finished and/or ordered. Lisa was married a month after me and with her OCD surely had hers done within a week after the honeymoon and she managed to make a person already. So...no more excuses there. Happy due date Lisa!

4. Get back into my Yoga kick. Not that any of you care about this, but I promise you, the size of my butt does! I have chosen a profession that keeps me planted firmly on my ass far too much which means I need to make an effort to get up and move. I realized this year how much I miss working at Sea World and running around all day. Man, that was fun.

5. Travel more...not just to see family but forcing my husband out of his comfort zone and going places. The truth is, he does like to travel, it is just the nagging work thing that keeps him stressed. Well we are going to be perma-travelers now for work, so I intend to extend that experience.

I think 5 things is enough. I reserve the right to revise and rework my list as necessary. Okay...let's see how this goes. The image is only to showcase that today was apparently the beginning of winter for Mammoth, so if snow can choose a new beginning so can I! :)