I'm not Having Kids...It's Like Recycling

I accepted long before I got married people lack creativity when striking up conversation. This means no matter what milestone you hit they press to find out when you plan on hitting the next one. The obvious path for a relationship moves from couple to engagement to marriage to kids. The very moment you marry everyone asks, “when are you going to have kids?” Many couples have a predetermined answer for this as they expect the question the same way I do. I know they think but don’t speak, “give me a break, let us just be married for awhile,” but alas, others want a real answer. Press forward, keep paddling.

My husband and I had the obligatory conversation about children ultimately deciding it is not our thing. If you ever want to send a person into utter confusion as to what to say next, say you plan on NOT having kids. There’s nowhere to go with that. It’s actually a bit of fun to watch them struggle for a moment. But when they gather their wits the next obvious question hits you like a ton of bricks, “why not?” There are a plethora of reasons, some private some public as to why we decided not to have kids. Why does any person, especially one not in my inner circle think I should go through my entire life decision process with them? I find myself tempted to say something rude but that would not be fair, no need to insult them with a good, “why on Earth would you choose to saddle yourself with the financial and physical burden of children for the REST OF YOUR LIFE?” I, personally, am still wrapping my head around “forever” with my mate, a needy child sounds complicated. This answer irritates people.

I believe I stumbled across my new response to the question thanks to one of my favorite writers, David E. Kelley. Most people think of writers as the authors of books whereas in my world many of them create the visual accompaniment to my life via television. I am acutely aware of those who can write to my very mood and soul and Mr. Kelley has long done this with things like Ally McBeal, The Practice, and Boston Legal.

Currently he resurfaced to use his genius in a show entitled “Harry’s Law.” I found my inspiration. You see the greatest threat to the safety of our world and our resources is not global warming, the desecration of the rain forests or the massive use of plastic. The greatest threat to our precious Earth is over population. In the immortal words of David E. Kelley, “You can drive your Priuses, use your curly cue light bulbs, and recycle all you want, it still won’t save the planet. (sic) China’s one child law is actually the most progressive environmental law ever written." Nice! We all know when this law was in effect it was a disgrace as the people killed female babies. I would never condone such behavior but the rule of only having one child would really cut down on the growing population problem, we could actually decrease our numbers! If everyone accepted the child they had we could make a real difference, bigger than recycling. So I am doing my part, saving the planet by recycling and NOT having kids. Aren’t I environmentally golden!?

Wedding Photos, the Dreaded Decision

So I am not sure how many of you out there have seen the movie "Beaches" or even the old front room of Gabby on Desperate Housewives, but these are the two walls that pop into my mind when I think of narassitic women who put large photos of themselves on their walls. Both these walls were done in retro Andy Warhol style photos, but large montages of just the face of these women. Now seriously, is that what you want in your house? Emphatically NO! But then on the flip side, you have just had these amazing photos taken of you, your hair is done, your make-up is fixed, there is photoshop correcting going on making your arms not look so pudgy, and let's be honest you love the dress and you NEVER, sans pretending to be the corpse bride at Halloween, get to wear it again. It makes sense you would like to display some of your better looking photos, even if they have been somewhat "enhanced." Hey, at least it's just the picture and not irreversible surgery.

I digress. Now you have all these blank walls in your new living room staring at you and the temptation is to fill them with photos or art...in my case mostly photos because I love Ansel Adams-y landscape, outdoorsy stuff. While it takes a bit for you to talk your insane husband out of hanging the Hollywood butt picture (thanks, Mom) in the middle of the living room over the ginormous TV, you are left with how big and where do you put a wedding photo? And what wedding photo? Just the two of you? That seems lame. Family shot? Well that would be easy if you came from the land of Ozzie and Harriet but with two sets of families on both sides along with remarriages, random brothers and sisters, etc, etc, etc, you would need a panorama shot that would look like a mural. Not to mention that it is physically IMPOSSIBLE for all those people to have their eyes open at exactly the same time.

I plow through the photos numerous times and pick a few shots to put up. I also have multi-window frames, and we now have professional shots of many of our friends and family. These seem like the perfect places for these photos and as long as I am not in them with the big cottonball dress, it isn't THAT obvious they are wedding photos. Technically they are RECEPTION photos. There, walls filled lots of smiling faces, everyone happy...great job. You have one of your first guests over. First words out of her mouth, "it's so funny how you have all these wedding photos everywhere." And here I thought I had done a good job. After she left I am running around staring at the photos. I swear there are only 3 of me in the dress...one of them a landscape shot. The rest are reception, rehearsal dinner and other people. I proceeded to throw my pride away and leave the photos up. It's our house anyway!

By the way, the butt picture has found an appropriate home in the bathroom, because really, where else do you hang an enlarged picture of an ass?

Post-Wedding Motivation....

So, obviously my first shot at a blog did not last very long. The sudden onset of inspiration quickly faded in the light of all the "real world" things to do such as making deadlines for work and planning a wedding. But as I sit basking in my post-wedding glow, I find myself re-inspired. It seems everywhere I turn while expanding my writing potential, everyone wants to link to one blog or another, so it behooves me to actually get this up and running. The truth is in that, I need to find an angle. If I am going to be the "blogger" what will my angle be in order to get people to take a look at what I write, well in order to extend beyond family and friends.

The answer, of course, seems obvious, given my new change in status and name. I think I should document the many changes that will happen in my world now that I have become married. For anyone out there looking to get married or who has recently gotten married, be sure to check out Jenny Lee's book, "I Do, I Did, Now What" as she is extremely witty and is actually intimidating me as we speak. Only in my head, but living up to her very insightful look back at the beginning of her marriage I am not yet convinced I have anything to offer. We never know unless we try...so this will be my beginning. The world is full of advice. I am just hoping my recounts will lead others to see a bit of themselves in the process and maybe find a bit of inspiration, decent ideas, and a way to laugh through everything that seems life altering in the process of getting married.