Tuesday, April 1, 2014


I understand that earthquakes can be somewhat scary. I understand that for those who don't live in California the thought of an earthquake is terrifying. I also understand that the drama the media makes up about earthquakes is ridiculous. My sister asked me the other day how many earthquakes I had been in. The true answer to that is 100s. Not exaggerating, not even a little.

The way the news makes it sound is that every single seismic event is one of epic proportions. That just because people feel a little shaking it is something to take the streets about and make sure everyone knows the terror that we live in. This is not a third world country and sending in photos of your fallen over picture frames is idiotic and way more than a little condescending. Let's wait for a real tragedy to start sending in photos of the "devastation."

Now I turn to my computer this morning and see the above headline. "Stars Respond to the Second Earthquake in March." First, let us dissect the statement for the sheer inaccuracy. I know we play fast and loose with the rules of grammar and meaning here in Hollywood, but there were THREE earthquakes just yesterday around the time of the ONE they are referring to.  The "first" one I am assuming they are discussing is the one of March 17th which also was a cluster of no less than two and likely more. What new math are they using?

Next, if you just pull up the USGS website you will see the entire area is lit up like a Christmas tree on any given day. Just because this particular earthquake seemed to last a little longer so more people noticed it, does not make it a reportable event. Maybe a single line item on the news, not a half-hour expose on the earthquake and what it means. My husband thought I was playing around, that is how little you actually felt in LA, which brings me to my next point.

In any other story the lead on this would be "ORANGE COUNTY." While I understand the wording is right in the article, the slug is WRONG. The geography of Southern California is not often related with any kind of accuracy, but this quake was in Orange County. That is not even the same county as LA. A county that is larger than many states and it wasn't in it. Maybe, just maybe, you can get away with calling it an LA earthquake when it is in the county but that is still a stretch. It is as ridiculous as saying Disneyland is in LA or that the LA Angels of Anaheim makes any sense. This is as ludicrous as starting to call the team the Ft. Lauderdale Dolphins of Miami and really it should be the NY Giants of East Rutherford by this new naming system.

Finally, as newscasters and reporters, please learn to listen. Stop asking the same question the person asked just before you of the poor scientists trying to explain to you that this is a non-event. It has been the quietest seismic time in all of LA's recorded history for 20 years so a few earthquakes doesn't mean the big one is coming. Rephrasing the question to say, "doesn't this point to a bigger event on the horizon" does not change the answer. There are pre-quakes, yes, but there has never been any proof of groupings of quakes that grow in intensity leading to a big quake. There are times of more activity that have led into big events, but we aren't even at NORMAL activity right now, so chill out!

I am glad that there are magazines out there that still make money. I am fine with the fact that our country is a bit star-obsessed. I am not okay with needing to get the celebrity reactions to non-events. It was a Friday night at 9pm, if you were anywhere but home, chance are you didn't know this massive apocalypse happened until you saw a Tweet about it or a lame newscaster chat about it.

Of course, the viral video of the KTLA newscaster diving under the desk was hilarious and the RIGHT thing to do. I only post this image because I love his eyes, his reaction and if I had 200 pound lights hanging over my head I would move too. Now that's worth Tweeting about.

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