Thursday, May 2, 2013

Banned from Store Hoax/List of Great Wal-Mart College Pranks

The letter that has been going around since 2006 resurfaced today on Facebook. The letter claims (falsely) that a man and woman have been banned from the store due to a husband's ridiculous pranks after she forced him to start shopping with her post his retirement. The letter remains obviously false on many levels. One, the supposed security camera footage would not yield the very specific dialogue or "screaming" accounts mentioned in the letter. Two, a man could not possibly do all these things while shopping with his wife and not being noticed. This is the same woman who can be scolding one kid, stop something from falling and breaking and grab a third kid all at the same time. She would have seen her husband do these things. Had it been written in re
verse, I am quite certain a woman could get away with ALL these things and her husband would be none the wiser. Third and most importantly, the store would not wait to compile a list of this length. Wal-Mart can barely tell you what you purchased off the electronically scanned receipt you present, you think one store would have such complete records of a problem customer?

I read the letter much more as a college "how to" guide of things to do in Wal-Mart at 2 in the morning when you are full of energy and have no money. The list is very funny but omits some of the things we liked to do to blow off a little steam.

1. Test out the roller blades, usually with a race from one end of the store to the other. (It is very difficult for a store clerk to catch you when you have wheels). This can also go for bikes, skateboards, anything that will roll.

2. Try on the most ridiculous outfit combinations and do a photo fashion show.

3. Rearrange the medication area so that all the anti-diarrheal has been switched with the laxative/constipation medication. Just move the boxes, don't actually open and swap the pills. (Now this one might seem mean, but you really should read the package of what you are buying).

4. Stand behind a self-checkout cash register and check other people out. It is amazing how many people will let you do this for them.

5. Screen lock all the display phones, computers and televisions.

6. Remove all the "opposing team" clothing from the racks putting it in carts and hiding it in the corner.

7. Coordinate with your friends to all be at different cameras at the same time and hold up signs that make a sentence when put in the correct order.

8. Attach all the belts in the clothing department together and wrap them around the rack. If you are really bold you can see how many aisles you can serpentine the belts through.

9. Take "interesting" photos on all the cameras and cell phones that have a memory stick.

10. Move all the store hour stickers around so the "pharmacy" is open 24 hours but the store is open from 9am to 6pm.

11. Walk around wearing floaties and snorkel until a clerk is brave enough to talk to you. You will be shocked at how many won't. We used to "win" if we could look the most crazy scaring off the workers for the longest amount of time.

12. Make a "wanted" poster of one of the employees and tape them up all around the store.

13. Play a game of "SuperMarket Sweep" seeing which team can ring up the largest bill in five minutes of filling up only one cart. Everything has to fit inside and you should be nice and put all the items back when you break it to the clerk that you won't be buying any of it.

Finding things to do in the middle of the night is always fun...and here is the letter so you can add to your repertoire.

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